Dear flora of my mouth,
Yesterday, after a long and grueling session of lab, my mouth was dry and really starting to smell bad. Must have been you guys in there fermenting my saliva. Then a nice boy started to talk to me rather closely, and I was pleasantly surprised since he hasn’t conversed with me much in the past. But I was afraid to talk back to him for fear of sharing my breath. So I managed a few passive nods.
Today, I knew that I would have the opportunity to talk to him again, so I went to school equipped with a pack of fresh mint gum. Not to try and kill you guys off, of course, just to flush out the bad smell from the gas you pass. (no offense.) I was ready with gum in mouth when that time of day came, anticipating a nice conversation with the nice boy. But…he didn’t talk to me. 😦
So…can you guys maybe back off a bit? I love you and all, but I’m beginning to think maybe you guys are the reason why I’m not taken yet.
If this happens again…I’m going to ask you guys to move out. And it won’t be pretty.
Joan, your host.