non-thinking mode reflection (how ironic)

So once again I find myself coming back to this blog after not posting for what seems like eons. Sorry.
To whoever actually reads this.

And I am currently in a state of not-thinking-about-anything and glazed-eyed-dazedness. I am probably just winding up for what women have been blessed and damned to be visited by each and every month for some 35 years.

So anyways, although in my non-thinking state of mind, I still have some rather thinking things to talk about.

Sometime last week I felt overwhelmed by all the choices and opportunities that were put before me : t2 project subject, research volunteering, applications…. and in the midst of my confusion, I was led to reflect on all the choices I have made, or that my parents have made for me, which have played huge parts in sculpting who I am today.

1) Immigration to Canada – my parents made the decision to leave Hong Kong and brought me to Vancouver in 1993. This was before 97 and my parents felt that Canada would offer a much better growing and learning environment than Hong Kong would. I am very grateful that they made this decision because Vancouver is, for the most part, a wonderful place to be.

2) Go to Collingwood and move to West Vancouver – I entered Collingwood School in Grade 2 and although there were some great memories, I cannot hide from the fact that I was quite unhappy throughout the last 3 years I was there.

3) Crofton House (entered in Grade 7) – this has to be one of the most important choices that I have made. Prior to applying for Crofton I had been quite reluctant, for what reasons I now am not sure because I really left nothing behind if I left Collingwood. Encouraged by my parents, I applied to Crofton, wrote the entrance exam, attended the interview, and was accepted. I don’t recall the thought processes that went through my mind at the time, but I decided to enter Crofton House, and I am so happy that I did. At Collingwood, I had didn’t fit in with any group of friends, no-one understood me, and I became a depressed and introverted little girl with low self-esteem. This may sound quite extreme, but now that I look back, that was who I was. So I left Collingwood without regret, and I entered Crofton with high hopes for finding a new beginning, and that I did. At Crofton I met the greatest friends, many of which I know I will stay in contact with for the rest of my life. I felt so welcome at Crofton, and I realized later that it was where I really belonged. I also slowly began building up my esteem and confidence again. If I hadn’t stepped out of my comfort zone and into a new territory within those ivy walls, who knows what kind of person I am now…

4) Science One – this is my other most important decision, and bittersweet one, actually. So I had applied for Science One, but was put onto the waitlist in May. When I found out I was quite relieved actually, because I had been warned that Science One is extremely hard and I didn’t want to make the decision of whether to go or not. So on my registration day to UBC, I registered for CSP and was quite comfortable. Sometime in June, before Provincials, I received an email from Lucia Balabuk saying that I had cleared the waitlist pool and was accepted into Science One. Boom! That hit me like a tsunami wave and drowned me for a bit, and I just sat at the computer in a daze. At the time I was really afraid of going into Science One because I was scared I would fail, scared I wasn’t smart enough, and then I had a bit of a breakdown. I talked to my parents, I talked to my most trusted high school teachers, and they all encouraged me to try Science One. So after what seemed like a long time, but really was only a day, I decided to accept the offer, because I realized that this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance and I really had no reason to reject it. Now? I am so indescribably glad that I made that decision, because I absolutely love Science One. Here I found myself in such a positive learning environment and I met amazing friends who understand me and all my nerdiness. If I had rejected Science One and had stayed in CSP instead, every time I walk past the Science One Lounge I would probably be envious and regretful that I had not ceased a chance that I would never get back.

The above 4 choices/decisions were only the 4 big ones I could think of…but it’s quite mind-boggling – if I had made any of my past choices differently, I would probably not be where I am today as a relatively happy and motivated individual who has what she needs now for success: family, friends, great learning environment, and clear outlook on life.

And…that is my dose of corniness for the day.


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